40 years… that’s how long ago I asked Jesus to be the Lord and Savior of my life. You would think after 40 years, I’d have something figured out?!?!? For the most part I think I do, but then again I don’t. It seems like for so many years I’ve just been wandering… like the Israelites wandering around the mountain. Sadly much, or most, of my wandering is just here and there.
There are times over the last 40 years that I have been so “dialed in” in my walk with the Lord, that it has taken my breath away. I lived in awe of His faithfulness, His blessings and His provision. And then there are the other times. Like lately. Like I’m on the dark side of the mountain. I don’t know why I feel so out of focus. Even writing this blog today, I’m having a hard time concentrating.
I am the youngest and only daughter in my family. I am known as the “good sister”. My brothers all know the Lord… but I’m not sure the KNOW the Lord. I remember the remarks they would make about my mom and her “Jesus Talk”. I think that played a part in why I am quiet about my faith. When I started this blog, I sent out a note about it to only a few family members. I guess I didn’t want them to talk about me like they used to talk about my mom. (oh of only I could be 1/10th the woman she was… but that’s for another story) But that’s done. I cannot and will no longer be ashamed of who I am in Christ.
I have felt for quite a while now that something is missing. Like when you have a craving for something, you don’t know what you’re craving, so you try this and that to try to satisfy it. You aren’t sure what you want, but you’ll know when you find it.
As we entered 2013, I remarked to a couple of girlfriends that I felt like an expectant mother. I felt as though something was coming. It was not a feeling of dread. It was a feeling of awe and wonderment and expectancy. I felt like the Lord was going to show up in my life in a big way.
What I know is this… My soul longs for a richer, deeper experience with Him. To know absolutely and without doubt that the voice I hear, the nudges I feel are Him. To know that He alone is guiding me into my purpose. I want to be so intune with Him that His thoughts are my thoughts, His goal and plan for my life are my goal and plan for my life. I want to know that He is here and I am in His presence. I want to be nourished by His words and never ever to feel thirst and longing again.
It is way past time for me to jump off the fence of complacency. It is time for a #freshstart and a #freshvision. I want the Blessings of God on my life. I want the Blessings of God on my family. I want ALL that God has for me. It is time for me to step out boldly and without shame. I will not longer be ashamed or embarrased of my love for the Lord. I am saying YES to God and I am going to #stickwithit.