I can’t really explain why I was so out of sorts today. Perhaps it was waking up with a migraine, I don’t know. But today for whatever reason, it was like everything was coming crashing down around me.
We’ve got some unexpected costs going on around here… which always causes stess in me. In addition, I’ve been battling an anxiety issue abut having to drive my car. To so many, this would sound totally stupid… it does to me. I can’t explain it. This should not be an issue at all. I have always been fairly independent. Especially after the death of my late husband, I had no choice. I didn’t have any anxiety about driving 1200 miles alone (well along with Buddy the Wonder Dog) from TN to MA and then back to TN, I didn’t have any anxiety about driving back to MA from TN when I moved back here 5 years ago. I just don’t get it. I’ve prayed about it… I’ve asked God to reveal to me what it is that causes this in me. It’s something I’ve written about before. But this morning, it came to the top of all else that is going on around here.
Poor Michael, he can’t figure out why I suddenly break out crying when I have to confront this anxiety. God bless his patience with me. He is a saint for sure. Suffice to say, we found a work around… he would drive my car and I would drive his. Problem solved…. for now.
However, before we left the house this morning, I did take some time to sit for a bit and pray about what I was feeling. This is today’s devotional reading:
Here’s what the message says:
My Face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that trancends understanding. you are surrounded by a sea of problem, but you are face to Face with Me, your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply callout “Help me, Jesus!” and I wil lift you up.
The closer you live to me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes, By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design, I am always beside you, helping you face today’s waves. The futures is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laught at the future! Stay close to Me.
(Jesus Calling by Sarah Young – page 16)
I still don’t know what my anxiety is all about, but I know that the timing of this devotional message today tells me that HE is in control and is waiting for me to lean into Him and wait for His time for it all to be resolved. All of this will be settled by His glory and not in my own strength. Thank You Lord for Your Love.